the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize