my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
