then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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