I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
