She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
