Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fuck appropriateness.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
