So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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