How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize