remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
