After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize