Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
