No awkward lesbian experiences without me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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