Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
