Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
