My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize