Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
