i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my being single is dangerous.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
