remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
