Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
