I wish I could teleport
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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