Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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