Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
