Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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