i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think your dad took our porno
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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