I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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