who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
