Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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