he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
