Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
