Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
