i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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