Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
