are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
