Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
