this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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