That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
