There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
