Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
