i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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