Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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