i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
