I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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