Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
