This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
