Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
