Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
