He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize