My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
