I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
