i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
