Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i now understand why vodka
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
