Don't make out with my wife yet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
