we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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