The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
