Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
