This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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