WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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