I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
