I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
