dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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