I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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