he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
