she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
