I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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