I only kidnapped one of them. chill
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
