so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize