he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
