i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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