I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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