Me too!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
