Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
