I smell stomach acid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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