Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
