In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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