Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize