i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
