she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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